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Pornography and Marriage

by Debbie Holland

Q: "We have been married for two years. My husband is obsessed with pornography. I knew nothing about this until after we were married. He is not willing to commit fully to God or me. What is a wife supposed to do? It's hard to just 'give it to God.' Can you help me and give some Godly advice? Thank you for your time." (Internet)

A: Pornography is a widespread and growing problem in the Church today. Derived from the Greek word pornea, which means sexually immoral, pornography is defined as words or graphic images intended to excite lascivious or lustful, lewd feelings. Three of the fastest growing markets are videos, the Internet, and phone sex. Pornography is a mistress and an adulteress. The enemy wants to use her to rape your husband's soul and lead him to the grave. Listen to what Jesus has to say: "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28).

It is very clear that pornography cannot be viewed as a passive, inconsequential behavior. This is a tragic sin against God, against you and the Body of Christ, and it has to be exposed. Light expels the darkness and this sin can no longer be swept under the carpet, especially in the Body of Christ.

Bringing light into the situation is your only ray of hope to dispel this darkness. Your husband needs to be accountable for his sin and since he's not willing to get help or seek the Lord at this time, it's critical that you follow the Biblical approach for dealing with sin as stated in Matthew 18:15-17. It's important to remember that you speak the truth in love and not out of your own anger and hurt. It's also important that you have an inner circle of wise, discerning female intercessors who will emotionally support, spiritually advise and pray against this darkness that is trying to destroy your marriage. If you don't have an inner circle to go to, pray for one, and in the meantime, ask the Lord to direct you to a pastor or a trusted friend. Intercessory prayer with two or more is the beginning of hope in dispelling this evil.

In the darkness, it's difficult to tell who the enemy is. Is the enemy your husband or the naked image? The real enemy is Satan. Satan's nature is to lie, deceive, kill, and destroy (John 8:44). He wants to devastate and annihilate you by getting you to believe that your husband is the enemy. Another ploy of Satan is to play with your emotions by having you question your own femininity and your sexuality as a wife. Pornography is a battle for the mind and must be won in the mind. Not only his, but also in yours. Before you can help him, you must make sure your own thinking is sound. One who views pornography will usually try to take the blame off of himself by putting it on his wife and trying to convince her that she is the problem. So you mustn't let yourself wonder what's wrong with you or believe that you are unattractive. Recognize it's a battle and don't let yourself go down in the pits - this only invites self-pity, which is sin.

Plan a day with God. Get alone with him and pray. Read and, if possible, memorize God's Word. Ask God to speak to you through His Word. This will give you support and comfort. Also, as you are reading His Word and praying, ask Him to reveal any negative thinking. Read 2 Corinthians 10:5.

In the natural it would be impossible to let go of the hurts that you are experiencing, but as a born-again believer, you have the indwelling power of the Spirit of God to set you free from those things. You can pray for your husband, encourage him to get help, and seek counsel for this situation, but in the end, God is the only One who can change him. Trust Him to do just that!

Father God, today we give You all our burdens and heaviness and choose to put on a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair... in the name of Jesus, The Overcomer.

Debbie Holland
King's High Way Manager

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This article was originally published in the
July 2001 Personal Update NewsJournal.

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